Insomnia

Not really. I will follow this up with a more in-depth recap of the vacation, but for now I leave you with perhaps the most memorable line of the weekend.

Roommate #2 to random lady at the bar during lunch:
"I've never had a bloody mary. are they good?"

lady:
"they're good. do you like tomato juice"

Roommate #2 - totally serious:
"no, but I like pasta sauce."

classic

Taco Town

one of my favorite skits.

In the Absence of Content....

There's videos.

SNL Spoofs TNT. and it's pretty much spot on.

The ART of Second-Hand Embarassment

Who is embracing one-armed midgets and urban, suburban hip-hop settings (isn't that an oxymoron)?

How to wear your hat in the midwest, up north, down south, out west.

Global Cooling?

Should we trust the GOP?

Who was in the heeezy?

Will the worm turn?

Michael Steele (the real-life Michael Scott, it appears) has the answers.

thanks Jim.

Question of the Day

Q: OMG What did I just do?

I don't know where else to turn, help me Yahoo! Users. I think I've done something very wrong. I have been really worried about this swine flu. I live near the Mexican boarder in Cali. I have (or had) a pet pig and I just fed it a whole bottle of pain killers so he would die and I wouldn't get the swine flu from him. :( I think I overreacted. My parents come home in 2 hours. What should I do?! Need help ASAP.

Best Answer: thats just wrong go outside ( or where ever u keep it) and shove ur finger down its throat to make it throw up NOW!!

via thedrunkcanuck

Manny Being Manny - The Drug User

Normally, under any other circumstance, I'd say, "WHAT AN IDIOT" if a player got caught for currently using steroids. Except this time it's Manny Ramirez. And it's not surprising. It's another case of "Manny Being Manny." I just don't get how you could be this oblivious to the modern era's testing programs. Did he think he was going to get a pass? Did he think the drug wasn't going to show up in his tests?

The best part (aside from the fact that he's not with the Sox and we have Jason Bay who has done a good job of replacing him without the antics or the extremely high price tag)?

Citing a source familiar with the matter, The Times reported Ramirez is expected to say the positive test results were a result of medication received from a doctor for a personal medical issue.

I love that they already have the excuse ready to go. Guess we'll have to wait until this develops further, but man, this is awesome. Mostly because this is LA's headache and not Boston's. Now if only Kobe could get a suspension for elbowing Ron Ron, my day would be complete.

source

I've Been Waiting for This for a While

shameful?

Awesomeness! Carl Lewis, oh how you give me second-hand embarrassment.

Story of the Day

For the last several years, TNT has touted its NBA playoff coverage with the tagline "40 Days and 40 Nights."

During his recent visit with Jay Leno on NBC-TV's "The Tonight Show," TNT's Charles Barkley expressed his misgivings about that themed ad.

Leno asked Barkley about his work schedule during the playoffs.

"It sucks," Barkley said.

"During the regular season, I work one day a week. Now some idiot came up with this slogan '40 Days and 40 Nights' like somebody actually wants to work 40 days in a row. Who came up with that stupid slogan? Nobody in here wants to work 40 straight days. That's just crazy."

I love Charles Barkley

source

thanks jim

Peruse the News

The Washington Nationals suck. Not only are they 1-10, the are very poorly managed. Not just on the baseball field, I'm talking administratively. Elijah Dukes was fined, benched and threatened with a minor league detail for being five minutes late. Oh, and what was he late because of? Charity work. Epic fail. Guy goes and does something good in the community, something positive in a league that has been surrounded by so much negativity, and they fine him for being five minutes late. Makes me want to burn my pinstriped DC Nationals hat.

It's getting bad everywhere. And now it's hitting lawyers too. Skadden Arps cut Frank Scudere a break. They didn't lay him off. Well, at least until a few months after he could recover from a dramatic moment in his life (read: they could wait to avoid the negative press of laying someone off after they survived a plane crash). Yes, Scudere was on the plane that landed safely in the Hudson. Apparently he was due to be laid off the next day, but Skadden gave him a little leway since he, you know, almost died.. Well, they let him go this week. And tried to take his dignity. Way to go Skadden! This story only confirms what I've been thinking: the economy blows.

April is a deadly month historically. Columbine, Virginia Tech, the Binghamton NY shooting, a couple of other tragedies, and as one of the attorneys at lunch pointed out on Friday - Lincoln was assassinated in April. Hang in there, only a few weeks left.

Wanna get high? Drink some water. Dallas, Cleveland (hope Lebron isn't drinking tap water), and Prince George and Montgomery Counties in Maryland are all reporting that there are traces of pharmeceuticals being found in the drinking water. "Why is that" you might ask? Probably becuase the federal government allowed pharamceuitcal companies to dump 271 million pounds of drugs into the water legally. Thanks Federal Government, you guys are awesome.

Here's Some Cheer for Your Rainy Saturday

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/gameTrax?gameId=290418110

I'm watching the refresh and it's showing 21-4. Cleveland. Over the Yankees. No, that's not a football score. Or a basketball score. It's a baseball score.

Chien-Ming Wang started. His ERA for the game is 34.50. And he has a 28-something ERA on the year. I love it. I really do.

The reliever? Claggett. He came in and did 1.2 innings of work. His ERA? 43.20. File this under "Epic Fail."

Between the two pitcher and 2.3 innings of work they gave up sixteen earned runs. Yes. Sixteen. In 2.3 innings. Thankfully the next two relievers only gave up a collective total of five runs. Phew. And here I thought the bullpen might be in trouble.....

Suck it Yankees.

Teabagging Makes It Hard to Do Things

the final seconds are audio gold

thanks jim

Guns

I'm all for protection of the right to bear arms....but there is a point where guns shouldn't be allowed. In my world, I say no guns on federal property (unless you're law enforcement or whatever), i.e. if your property receives federal funding, no gun permits are recognized. This is particularly an issue in Texas, since people can have a license to carry a firearm. Hey protect their rights, but with everything, there's a time and there's a place.

Recently, legislation has come down to allow college students to carry handguns to school. What?! Are you kidding me?

Well, here's the solution if the bill passes.

Professor’s plan

As a professor at the University of Houston, I would heartily endorse a bill of the Texas Legislature allowing students to carry pistols into class. I would amend my course syllabus to provide on the first day for both an introduction to the course and a lesson in shooting. If my students were to encounter a dangerous person charging into the classroom — a terrorist, bigamist, extortionist or plagiarist — I would have them form a circle around the miscreant, pull out their pistols, and shoot him. The only problem I foresee is that some of my students might be “C” or “D” students, and they would possibly miss the intended criminal, shooting, instead, their classmates across from them.

This, would, however, be classified as collateral damage, and my students would not be charged with a crime for the death of their classmates.

As an amendment to the bill, I would have the Legislature authorize the installation of artillery cannon at strategic sites on campus. These cannon would enable us to respond to mortar shells being shot into the campus from downtown Houston or other hostile venues. To ensure the accuracy of the artillery, I would ask the computer science department to provide a course of instruction for students in the newly designed GPS/INS (fire-and-forget global positioning systems and internal navigation systems) utilizing military satellites. No prerequisites for this course would be required. The ability to read and forget is an inborn trait.

Irving N. Rothman,

professor of English, University of Houston

via Houston Chronicle

Fusing UFC and Football

James Harrison. Defensive Player of the Year. With moves like that, it's no wonder.

In other news, one lucky Steelers fan / friend was rewarded with this while another was rewarded with this