The Vicious Relief: 12/7/08

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Best Thing EVER

Al actually called this guy. The number actually works.

Amazing. Thank you again Al.

Inspriation in 2 Minutes

I trolled this off of someone's Facebook wall.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's All Gonna Break

It's a Broken Social Scene song. But it feels extremely relevant right now.

5 straight weeks in the library. It's boiling over. Stress. I'd like to pull my hair out right now. I'm tired of the library. I'm tired of eating out. I'm tired of not having fun. I'm tired of the music on my computer. I'm tired of the same daily grind. I'm tired.

I Once Saw Gary Patyon In a Club

He was a douche.

I was out with my friend Lina in Sacramento. I can't remember what the occasion was. But we went to the K-Bar. It was kind of mellow, more of a lounge-esque environment. I was sippin on my Gin and Tonic (geez....how far away from that drink am I now?) and low and behold Lina's friend waltzes back saying "Gary Payton is here."

Payton was playing with the Fakeshow at the time and they were in town to play the Kings. All things being equal, Gary was still a hell of a player so I wandered over to say "what's up."

But then two members of his little entourage showed up. I yelled past them "Gary Payton, what's up!?"

To which I heard the response from entourage member #1 "Gary's not tryna see no one right now."

Okay. And then Gary just looked at me like I was retarded (which is an accurate depiction of me, but still, I don't need to be reminded of that). I shrugged it off and wandered back to Lina.

Moral of the story: Gary Payton = Douchebag.

Fun fact: My friend Malcolm once sold GP furniture when he was working in Pleasanton at Levitz. Apparently he was really cool to Malcolm, who sold him about $20,000 worth of furniture.

Not Meshing? Try Arts N Crafts

For the last month or so, I've spent life around a small group of people. Day in and day out. There's bound to be some tension at times. I feel like it's natural when you're surrounded by the same people. You get annoying to them, they get annoying to you. They steal your moose, you steal their laptop. It's how the game is played. I've been long-contemplating strategies on how to get along better. Perhaps a group activity would make things better. Naturally, a night at the bar sounds like it would do us all some good. But alas, it might have adverse consequences on the function of some of us the next day (read: hangovers). So that strategy may not be so good for team building. But then today, Jim emailed a solution straight from the playbook of the Phoenix Suns.

...they looked like one of the league’s unhappiest teams, forever searching for their identity. The perimeter players wanted to run again. O’Neal wanted to keep getting touches. Stoudemire, who wasn’t sad to see D’Antoni go, started pining for his old coach’s offense. Suns owner Robert Sarver even took a page from one of his Corporate America handbooks and reportedly held a bonding session that had the players cutting out pictures and building collages.

Yes. "[C]utting out pictures and building collages." Imagine Shaq, STAT, Golden Boy Steve Nash, all sitting around, basically scrap-booking. The results are astonishing!

Did you see how they all came to the rescue of one another?! AMAZING. That's cause it's the NBA. And Amazing happens there. Or at least that's what those commercials keep telling me. You know, the ones with the piano music.

There it is. I mean, the old Suns team, they didn't like each other. They never would have come to the rescue of a fellow teammate. Oh wait...

And imagine the surprise when Jason Richardson gets there.

"you want me to do what with the team? We didn't do this crap with the Warriors or the Bobcats."

Well Mr. Richardson, while that would be a very accurate observation, that might also explain the losing that was going on with both organizations. And even if Richardson thinks it's weird, that won't stop Golden Boy Nash.

More than anything, the Suns had tired of losing to the Spurs, and Nash was smart enough to say Wednesday he’ll welcome Richardson and Dudley “with open arms.”

Read: ARTS N CRAFTS TIME! WOOOOOO. Break out the scissors!

But the write of the article has such a bleak perspective on the situation.

but doesn’t the party always end sometime?

Pfff...NO Johnny. Not when you're the Phoenix Suns. When you're the Suns, there's always a party.

In summation, arts n crafts makes for winners. Now where's my puff paint at?! I've got an exam tomorrow!

source: Yahoo! Sports

Why ESPN Sucks

Tim Legler and the other "NBA Fastbreak" guys were talking about Shaq's vintage performance the other night against Milwaukee . Then they were talking about whether or not Shaq would play on the next night against the Lakers. Typically, Terry Porter (the Suns' coach) rests Shaq on the second game of back-to-backs. Then Legler and the gang ripped Shaq and Porter, saying that he needs to start playing both games of back-to-backs. The thing is, I knew about his grandmother dying, so I was waiting for them to talk about it. But they never did. They just went on about Shaq saying he wasn't going to play last night.

The Suns played without Shaq (family funeral)

Thanks to dime for staying up on this stuff and talking about it before the Milwaukee game even happened. But what's more concerning? Well that a b-ball blog/magazine with obviously less resources keeps up more with the news than ESPN, which is the largest sports news network (this is no discredit to Dime. I love the work they do. Always amazing and geared completely towards the user. And there was the time they dropped subscriptions for 81 cents after Kobe dropped 81 on the Raptors). It's the fact that ESPN may very well have known about Shaq's grandmother dying and chose to ignore it. Or they just didn't know. Either way, that's pretty sad, considering they're supposed to have all of these insiders in the NBA. That's pretty big news to overlook.

Oh, then there was the Plaxico Burress shooting himself incident. ESPN was covering it, bringing you "breaking news" about the incident. But they were quick to tout their analysts out saying how bad it was for Plax to do this, and how he's got such a bad public image. They reported on his possible gun permit that he had, how it had expired, how there were problems with the hospital reporting on this, Antonio Pierce being subpeonaed, yada yada yada. What they didn't chose to bring up amongst their commentary? Oh maybe the part about teammate and fellow WR Steve Smith was robbed at gunpoint about a week before. Gee, I wonder why they were toting guns around. Oh, and where did this happen to Smith at?

Giants receiver Steve Smith was the victim of an armed robbery in front of his home on Monday, Nov. 25. But contrary to a published report, the alleged perpetrator is not Smith's driver.

No kidding? But when the story first broke on Plaxico, ESPN wasn't trying to put two and two together. That's what irks me. Report the whole story. And when you offer these commentaries on television, think logically.
Example:

Analyst 1: Well, Plaxico Burress shot himself. And he will likely be in serious trouble.

Studio Guy: Is there any indication of why he was carrying a gun that night?

Analyst 1: Good question Studio Guy. On November 25, his teammate, Steve Smith, was robbed at gun point outside of his home in New Jersey. One can expect that it was a motivating factor in why Plaxico had a gun with him.

Simple. It's not like Roger Fedderer was robbed in Switzerland at gun point while treking through the Alps. This was a teammate. On the other side of the river. Not hard to figure that one out guys. In conclusion. ESPN, not really that great at reporting.

We Also Got a Lender's Note With Frosty

Unfortunately for the ice prince, we put frosty back on the roof. He later melted and returned to where he came from.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Proof People Freak When It Snows

I returned to our study room to discover this little present. A snow man. Made outside, then transported indoors.

What?!

Check the location on that bad boy.

Yes. Houston. Yes. Snow. In Houston. Where it was 60-70 degrees yesterday.

The Snow stole my motivation to study like the Grinch Stole Christmas.

People were spazzing when it was flurrying. I laughed. Then I spazzed just like them.

Oh hypocrisy, how I embrace thee.

I'm Sorry Jackie

I shouldn't have thrown a pen at your head from the second story. You had every right to throw the pen in the garbage. In retrospect, a crumpled piece of paper would have worked better with less injurious results.

Although, as you recall, I helped move the couch into your apartment. That should at least count for something. Maybe couch-mover immunity?

Finally a Win Worth Discussing

The Kings beat the Lakers last night. 113-101. WHAT?! I was shocked too. Even going into the fourth quarter, I worried that Darth-Kobe would be taking over and dropping buckets. But no such luck (if you're a FAKERS fan). Why did I post a picture of Jenn from the Royal Court dancers? Well mainly cause, 1) I sat next to her parents at a game a few years back (which was in the top level strangely enough), 2) she's been with the team forever, and 3) she's hot.

Back to the matter at hand. Why is the win worth noting? Because the Kings are ~~terrible~~ "turrible." I frequently text my friend Ant about the status of the Kings.

Lately I've been advocating for the destruction of the team. Trade Miller while he's got some value. Find a player who is worth being traded and throw Kenny (k-9) Thomas in there (he's of no use to us). Finally, surround the present young core (Donte Green, Jason Thompson, Kevin Martin, and Francisco) with some talent. Instruct John Salmons that although his stat line looks amazing, he needs to learn how to play team ball. I don't care if he fills up the stat sheet, I care if he gets the team involved. Beno needs to learn some D, but overall I'm glad we have a decent PG. Bobby Jackson, I love you man, but you just ain't the player you used to be. But it's good to have a fan-favorite, and a vet.

Anyway, you know it's a bad season when you get text messages from your friend saying, ''Mallofs [are] closing in on reality tv show. It's title 'rebuilding the king-dom'" and "we need Kobe."

Regardless, the Kings handed the infamous Kobe and the seemingly-unstoppable Lakers the 'L' last night behind 21 from both Salmons and Garcia. Awesome. The ball movement was good and we even got some Sportscenter coverage. Dope.

Also, something of note worth posting. Via Sactownroyalty, which is hands down the best Kings blog out there, rules for Fakers fans attending King's games at Arco.

1. Do not scream "Brad Miller sucks!" during the National Anthem.
2. Chanting "defense" as a visiting fan in the minority isn't terribly useful.

3. If the game starts at 7PM, try to show up before 7:45. I don't want to have to help you understand that you're in the wrong row while Francisco Garcia is dribbling into the paint. It's not like you can blame the traffic.

4. No chanting "M.V.P." when your team is losing by 13 points with a minute left.

5. If your team loses, please do not begin hollering about championships or the standings. Your team lost. This is what we have just witnessed. We did not all show up to ARCO to discuss Lakers history. We're all aware of it, but we really really don't care after a Kings win.

Sactownroyalty, thanks for holding down all things Kings even when though it's been hard to watch. TZ and the gang are true fans and dope bloggers.

Oh, You Mean It's Not THAT Easy?

I've typically been disgusted by Oprah throughout the course of my life. I think she's very full of herself (that's an understatement). This isn't to say that Oprah doesn't do good things. In fact, I think she does some very, very good things, and often times serves as motivation and inspiration for a lot of people. But she is very quick to pat herself on the back for doing it. And it seems that she's more worried about her image at times than other things (even when her image wasn't really at issue).

For instance, there was infamous James Frey book, "A Million Little Pieces" that she had endorsed via her book club and a special show she dedicated to the book. Then it came out that Frey had made some of it up. Oprah being Oprah, brought Frey on the show to publicly chastise him. And it was less because of Frey making up a story and more for making Oprah look bad. Hey, way to choose the high-road Oprah. Yeah, it was Frey who made you look bad. Nevermind the fact that what he did was morally wrong. The world is all about you O (that's what I like to call her, cause she's so awesome and deserves a one-letter name - oh hey, it's just like her magazine! awesome! I'm creative). Then Frey and his publisher came out and said that Oprah basically conned him into coming onto the show.

As Talese recounted at a televised publishing conference last July, the show invited her and Frey together. Talese initially resisted. Then they were approached with a new pitch. The topic was going to be "Truth in America," and they wanted Talese on a panel with columnists Frank Rich, of The New York Times, and Richard Cohen, from The Washington Post. Given this scenario, Talese agreed. But when she and Frey arrived at Harpo Studios, in Chicago, they were told that the program was not, in fact, about Truth in America; it was about the James Frey controversy. Winfrey told Frey it would be rough, but said there would be redemption in the end. There was no redemption. From beginning to end, it was, according to Talese, "a public scourge."

Smooth O, smooth. Rip the dude for being immoral, but con him into coming on the show so, (a) you can kick him while he's down, and (b) bash him for tarnishing your precious little image. You can read the actual interview with Frey here. Now I'm not endorsing what Frey did. It was unethical and immoral to sell something labeled as non-fiction when he made ~~some~~ most of it up. He should have pulled a Hollywood and said "based on a true story." Works through the red-tape every time. It's like the time I told my friends the story about winning the lottery and blowing it all on black tar heroin. I told them it was based on a true story. It wasn't. In fact, I just made the whole thing up. But you see, I threw out a disclaimer. Back to O. I don't really recall anyone saying how much of a terrible person she was for endorsing the book. After all, she didn't write it. She could have just made a statement in the media that it was unfortunate what Frey did and that she was disappointed she endorsed the book. But instead, she brings him on the show and obliterates the guy on national TV and has the audience booing him all the while. O, it's not your place to publicly humiliate people. That doesn't make you a better person.

Anyway, my real beef lies with O's weight. I can remember her being pretty large back in the day. Then she hired a personal chef or something, lost weight, and said that anyone could do it. I think she forgot to disclaim her statement by saying, "if you've got millions of dollars and can hire a personal chef." Well now the weight is back and there are all kinds of stories floating around about O's struggles with her weight.

In 2005, Winfrey said she starved herself for four months to lose weight. Ever since, her weight has yo-yoed. She weighed as much as 237 pounds and by late 1990 acknowledged she had regained most of the 67 pounds, saying "I'll never diet again."

In 1993, she hired personal trainer Bob Greene and the next year finished the Marine Corps Marathon. By 1996 she said her roller-coaster weight saga was over.

Uhh, starving yourself? And this is the model image of what other people should do? O, is this a case of do as I say, not as I do? Cause I'm pretty sure you shouldn't endorse starving yourself. And how much exactly does O weigh right now? 200 lbs to be approximate. Here's the recount of her weight history.

Winfrey famously wheeled a wagon loaded with fat onto the set of her talk show in 1988 to represent a 67-pound weight loss while wearing a pair of size 10 Calvin Klein jeans. She had lost the weight with a liquid protein diet.

"When it comes to maintaining my health I didn't just fall off the wagon. I let the wagon fall on me," the chairwoman of Harpo Inc. writes. "I didn't follow my own fundamental rule of taking care of self first."

Look, I'm not ripping her for gaining weight. I struggle with eating right, exercising, and being healthy in general. And I know how hard it is. I put 5lbs on over the last two months from not being able to work out. It sucks. All the hard work, gone. But O, what pisses me off is that you try and make it sound so easy when it's not. That's what pisses me off. The holier-than-thou attitude; the "look how easy it is" persona is simple to pull off when you have millions of dollars. OH WAIT. EVEN YOU COULDN'T DO IT. You know why? Because it's difficult. It takes self control, and even when you hire the specialists and the dietitians and the personal trainers, you still fell off. And you let it go for TWO years. So stop trying to make it sound so easy for us common folk.