Kanye? A Jerk? *Gasp*

I'm absolutely annoyed with all of these people who seemingly discovered that, *gasp* Kanye is a raging douchebag. As if all of the other outbursts didn't confirm that. I could care less what he does. The "George Bush doesn't care about black people," various stunts he's pulled in Europe, Grammy fiascos...oh and the whole Kanye Being Crucified Rolling Stone cover that was outright blasphemy?

hmmmm and the most outrage comes from a stunt he pulls on the VMAs????

This is a sad indication of where our society is. He upstages Taylor Swift (who I didn't know about until this moment - I actually thought they were talking about that gray haired dude Taylor that won American Idol a while back; we will not get into the failed logic behind this assumption) and suddenly the world and celebs everywhere are outraged. And then my twitter and facebook are flooded with said outrage. And the news. Even the president was outraged. But I don't recall such outrage for Kanye's blaspheme.

What's almost as funny is the fact that this was apparently the MTV VMAs. You know, MTV, the show that used to play music videos but is focused on reality TV and stupid, mindless crap. So this award has all of the prestige that comes with a music video channel that pretends to play music videos, but doesn't. So who cares if Beyonce should have won, but Taylor Swift won instead. This makes: (a) Kanye West an idiot for feeling some type of validity or prestige was being bestowed by this award; and (b) everyone else an idiot for caring about what Kanye did at some less-than-legitimate award show. If this was the Grammy's maybe I'd care. But lets face facts, Kanye has-been/is/will-always-be a raging douchebag. This was not the icing on the cake, not the cherry on top, nor the first indication, or the last time this will happen.

And despite all that, despite being in the golden era of the decline of music purchases, he'll still go platinum with his next album. Mark my words.

Are.You.Kidding.Me?

Truly shocked today.

Why? Well two things.

1) The NBA is playing GEICO. Yeah, G-E-I-C-O. Not H-O-R-S-E during All Star Weekend.

As that contest joins dunking and three-point shooting contests as part of TNT's NBA All-Star Weekend coverage, the as-yet unnamed three contestants — who'll be overseen by an NBA ref — will play G-E-I-C-O. As in the insurance company that will be the event's unavoidable sponsor. (Suggestion: The winner then takes on the famous ad lizard to really drive home the brand awareness.)

For its G-E-I-C-O game, TNT will pull up a truck — which it uses for NASCAR coverage — to put announcers on a set that can rise 14 feet and swivel 360 degrees. As part of the dunk coverage, TNT will get NBA stars such as Dwight Howard or Vince Carter to imagine futuristic dunks, with videogame-maker (and NBA sponsor) EA Sports showing video simulations of their visions.

And following Fox's production of 3-D coverage of college football's BCS title game, shown in about 80 theaters last month, TNT will offer the Feb. 14 events, including the G-E-I-C-O game, in theaters. Tickets will cost $18-$22.

Oh almighty dollar, the NBA worships THEE! As Jim just said, "that just killed it for me."

via USA Today

2) D-Bag Joe Buck replaces the other D-Bag, Bob Costas over at HBO.

Costas this week left HBO for the MLB Network. He was interested in appearing on both, but HBO insisted on continuing to be his sole employer on cable TV. Enter Buck, the Fox NFL and MLB play-by-play announcer, for a yet-to-be-named 90-minute show starting in May.

HBO Sports President Ross Greenburg says Buck is "downright funny, although I don't know if the American public is aware of that."

Ummm, sure. I've never, ever, ever laughed at anything Joe Buck has said, unless he said something stupid, in which case, I laughed at him and not with him. Apparently everyone other than the HBO Sports President agrees with me.

Buck shot a Saturday late-night comedy show pilot for Fox that wasn't picked up — "it was a little different and not what a broadcast network was looking for," he says — and had been talking to HBO for months before Costas' exit. Greenburg, saying Buck shows "incredible brilliance" in his play-by-play calls, says HBO gives him "an opportunity to get done what he can't do in the world of network TV. Cable and network are two different worlds."

Or Buck just isn't funny. Which would explain why he can't get into comedy. But alas, Money and D-Bags 1, me ZERO.

via the same article as I listed above.

Print Media is the New Dinosaur

Print Media. It's what I take into the bathroom when I dont' want to take my laptop in there. Yeah, a bit graphic, I know, but lets face facts, reading in the bathroom isn't anything new.

Last year my dear mother was sweet enough to resubscribe me to ESPN the Magazine. It's actually got relatively good sports coverage and I do my best to read each and every issue. I like it. But in the end, it doesn't nearly measure up with internet media. For better or for worse, print media is going by the wayside. And it's time for journalists to realize that and evolve with the times.

With the evolution of the internet and the spread of technology instant gratification reigns supreme. When a story breaks, I'm not waiting for the early edition of the newspaper to get my details. Instead, I'm jumping online, pulling up every page I can think of and running yahoo! and google searches to exhaust every resource. The simple fact is that the internet has connected billions of people. Somewhere, someone has the coverage of the story. Be it sports coverage, be it opinion, be it technology, be it politics, there is a website that has the scoop. And I'm sorry, but the Stockton Record, or the Houston Chronicle, or the Wall Street Journal, or the New York Times, or the Washington Post, or whatever newspaper is out there isn't going to have the same coverage for a national news story. Now granted, the Houston Chronicle is likely going to cover the local news that I just can't get from a blog. But in the national realm? I go online before I'd ever pickup a magazine or newspaper. Simply put, there are better and faster sources out there to get information. And in the fast-paced, impulsive society we live in it almost feels like a must. Hey, how else am I going to get material for my water cooler conversations that don't really exist?

Season Five of the Wire had a pretty interesting take on the death of the newspaper. I won't go into much detail, but in my opinion, it showed the almost archaic, and yet strangely noble lives of journalists, albeit in a very very macro-esque scale.

But there has been a backlash against bloggers in the last few years.

Bob Costas is the first that comes to mind. Early last year, Costas had this to say.

But it's one thing if somebody just sets up a blog from their mother's basement in Albuquerque and they are who they are, and they're a pathetic get-a-life loser, but now that pathetic get-a-life loser can piggyback onto someone who actually has some level of professional accountability and they can be comment No. 17 on Dan Le Batard's column or Bernie Miklasz' column in St. Louis. That, in most cases, grants a forum to somebody who has no particular insight or responsibility. Most of it is a combination of ignorance or invective.

Deadspin dropped this gem last year about the Dallas Mavericks no-blogger policy.

The Dallas Mavericks will not allow ANY writer into the locker room areas pre-game and post-game whose primary purpose is to blog no matter what affiliation. They may still represent their respective publication at games but will not be granted locker room access.

We have gone this route because we did not want to give preferential treatment to any blogger, whether they are an individual or from a large media outlet. We just do not have enough room in the locker room, nor enough media passes to fairly accommodate everyone.

Then there was the guy who wrote for the Washington Post that moonlighted with Kissing Suzy Kolber (KSK). Basically the story goes, Michael Tunison worked by day for the Washington Post and was a blogger by night. He posted on KSK under the name "Christmas Ape," but eventually revealed his true identity through what is thought to be a drunken-post. Tunison was then fired by the Post; obviously there was a conflict of interest. The best part? In the post Tunison wrote

Anyway, I’m this guy [ED: His facebook profile] and I work for this dying medium [a link to the Washington Post].

Maybe Tunison was just a cynic. Maybe Tunison was just disgruntled. Or maybe Tunison was right. The consumer dictates where investors and advertisers funnel their capital. It's why I have the opporutnity to put ads on my blog and generate revenue (I don't, simply because I have nothing to really contribute aside from once in a while rants, or posting content from those who do blogs right; this blog was created as an outlet and it's a past time, but there are those who pour their blood sweat and tears into this and rightfully should be rewarded). If I can go on the internet and pull up KSK, Dime, Basketbawful, Withleather, Truehoop, Deadspin, Yardbarker, or the millions of other sports blogs out there, why wouldn't I? If I can hit the Drudge Report for the most up-to-date political news, why not?

This morning, I felt some validation in these feelings. ESPN had breaking news when I awoke. Mark McGwire's (my childhood hero) estranged brother alleges he used steroids. Oh and who broke the story? DEADSPIN. You mean Buster Olney or Tim Kurkjian didn't get this first? No, a blogger got it first. And it put a smile on my face to see the words "source: Deadspin.com." Plus it shows that now even conventional outlets have turned to the internet to montior the news. And the news is no longer monopolized by the ESPNs, the ABCs, or the Wall Street Journals. The power is with the people and all of these archaic journalists are finding them in a buyers market. Gone are the days where we read the columnists that the newspapers tell us are the expert. Now we have options.

Then there's that douchebag Rick Reilly, who now gets the final page of my beloved ESPN the Magazine. And it's a page that I never read. It's a useless rambling, attempting to be whitty and fun, that I think simply crashes and burns in an attempt at being "random" which at this point in my life, I think means scatter-brained more than anything. Worst of all, it replaced Kenny Mayne's article which is actually funny.

Reilly is very anti-blog.

There's some good journalism, and some really horrible crap on [the Web] from guys holding down the couch springs in their mother's basement that have never been in a lockerroom but are pining on this and that. And this gives them cache, and then they're being quoted? What? This guy is in his underwear. They could us a Greyhound bus full of editors and it still wouldn't help them. So this is the 'new style of journalism' we gotta learn?

Yes you idiot. Blogging is the new style of journalism you have to learn. This quote reminds me of some guy that heard about going from a typewriter to a computer. "You mean that machine is gonna replace my typewriter? Well sir, I say you are a fool. Next thing you know you'll want me to trade my perfectly good horse in for a 'car.' Absurd I say, absurd."

Funny thing is, Reilly is coming out with a blog. Just don't call it a blog.

Behold, "Go Fish", Reilly's new blog on ESPN The Magazine. But it's not really called a blog. It looks like "Too Short For A Column", "Freak Celebrity Sighting", "Ricktionary" are all separate sections but, no, they're just the headlines. His first entries were all done on January 16 but there have been no other updates since then.

The world we live in requires us to evolve with our surroundings. Why go work for a newspaper when the entire world can hear you through the internet? Why be limited by circulation, editors, and mandated word counts? In the end, quality will draw the reader back, and nothing else. Move with the times people. We are certainly well past the dawn of a new era. Hell, it's nearly happy hour. And like Omar Little says "It's either play, or get played."

This Guy is Awesome

Or not.

Jackass tried to fake his own death.

In a feat reminiscent of a James Bond movie, the 38-year-old businessman and amateur daredevil pilot apparently tried to fake his death in a plane crash, secretly parachuting to the ground and speeding away on a motorcycle he had stashed away in the pine barrens of central Alabama.

Say what? Why would this guy try and fake his own death?

Schrenker was on the run not only from the law but from divorce, a state investigation of his businesses and angry investors who accuse him of stealing potentially millions in savings they entrusted to him.

"We've learned over time that he's a pathological liar — you don't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth," said Charles Kinney, a 49-year-old airline pilot from Atlanta who alleges Schrenker pocketed at least $135,000 of his parents' retirement fund.

Ahhhhh. He's a douchebag. A giant douchebag. That explains a lot. So what really happened?

On Sunday — two days after burying his beloved stepfather and suffering a half-million-dollar loss in federal court the same day — Schrenker was flying his single-engine Piper Malibu to Florida from his Indiana home when he radioed from 2,000 feet that he was in trouble. He told the tower the windshield had imploded, and that his face was plastered with blood.

Then there was the part where he tried to kill himself when the authorities tracked him down after he had faked his own death. Fantastic.

source

A $10,000 Snow Angel

I hate the Patriots. Well mostly Tom "Dreamboat" Brady, Captain Douchebag Bill Belichick (side-note, check out Bill's Wikiality article, funny stuff), and their jackass fans that exist in New England and perpetually use the words "Dynasty", add "R" where "R" doesn't belong and turn words that end in "R" in to an "ahhh" sound. But I digress. Despite my disdain for the Patriots, I keep up with sports. And I also understand when douchebaggery occurs. Wes Welker caught a TD this past weekend during the snowbowl, aka The Patriots vs. The Cardinals. Then he made a snow angel. Pretty awesome stuff.


Well, come to find out today he was fined $10,000 for this "celebration." Look, I hate the Patriots, but come on. That was a pretty awesome celebration. In conclusion, I still hate the Patriots and Roger Goddell is a douchebag / dictator.

I Once Saw Gary Patyon In a Club

He was a douche.

I was out with my friend Lina in Sacramento. I can't remember what the occasion was. But we went to the K-Bar. It was kind of mellow, more of a lounge-esque environment. I was sippin on my Gin and Tonic (geez....how far away from that drink am I now?) and low and behold Lina's friend waltzes back saying "Gary Payton is here."

Payton was playing with the Fakeshow at the time and they were in town to play the Kings. All things being equal, Gary was still a hell of a player so I wandered over to say "what's up."

But then two members of his little entourage showed up. I yelled past them "Gary Payton, what's up!?"

To which I heard the response from entourage member #1 "Gary's not tryna see no one right now."

Okay. And then Gary just looked at me like I was retarded (which is an accurate depiction of me, but still, I don't need to be reminded of that). I shrugged it off and wandered back to Lina.

Moral of the story: Gary Payton = Douchebag.

Fun fact: My friend Malcolm once sold GP furniture when he was working in Pleasanton at Levitz. Apparently he was really cool to Malcolm, who sold him about $20,000 worth of furniture.

Run Juice, RUN...

...straight to prison.

Ya' done SON.

OJ got 15 years today. And while it's not enough karmic retribution for alleged crimes of the past, it's something.

We're sitting in the library, laughing about what a retard OJ is. I mean, really, he dodged such a bullet back in the day. And then he got into trouble again. So in addition to the fifteen years, he should get kicked in the nuts, once a day, everyday for the length of his sentence for being a douchebag.

Thankfully, the transcript from the sentencing has been published.

Here's the highlights.

"I stand here today sorry, somewhat confused. I feel apologetic to people of state of Nevada."

Read: How do I not get immunity for being OJ? It worked last time....
OJ, you took a gun into a room and held a memorabilia collector up.

"I didn't want to steal anything from anybody,"

Ummm....your actions indicated otherwise. I think OJ's definition of "steal" is a little different than the one those of us with "morals" have.

"I just wanted my personal things. I was stupid. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was doing anything illegal. I thought I was confronting friends. I thought I was retrieving my things. I didn't mean to hurt anybody and I didn't mean to steal anything"

READ: I confront people I like with weapons all of the time. That's how I confronted....oh, wait. Stupid OJ, stupid, stop revealing the truth...
Really? Confronting friends. With a gun?

Thankfully, the Judge stepped in to correct OJ on where he was a bit retarded misguided in his remorse.

"Everything in this case was on tape...And its your own words, Mr. Simpson, you own words ... that that brought you here to this seat in my courtroom. The evidence in this case was overwhelming...You went to the room. You took guns. You used force. You took property, and in this state, that amounts to robbery with the use of a deadly weapon."

This further solidifies the notion that OJ has no conscience, or recollection of reality.

Time to pay the piper Juice.

Headlines

I've got a ton of tabs open on my browser with things to blog about. So, here we go.

Luis Scola, playing AWESOME defense. (Basketbawful)

Great Moments in Douchebaggery

Lebron James: the king of douchery
If you talk hoops with me, you'll know how much I hate Lebron. He's arrogant and kind of like General Douchebag. Or kind of all douchebags. He thinks so highly of himself and humility is like Kryptonite to him. Oh and then there's this:

If the Cavs scored more than 100 points against the Bucks every fan gets a free chalupa at Taco Bell. Well rather than score one more bucket and please the fans who help to pay his ridiculous salary (which will only get more ridiculous once he hits free agency), Lebron dribbles out the ball to end the game. Final score, Cavs 99, Bucks, 93. Then afterwards, Lebron says this:

“I can’t believe people who buy season tickets get worked up over a g– d— $1 (blank) taco.”

It's not a taco oh mighty basketball player who probably hasn't eaten fast food since he came to the league. It's a chalupa. And it's delicious. And it would have been FREE. But what do you know about anything. I hate you Lebron. I hope you go to CSK Moskow and are never heard from again (fat chance). P.S. take your Yankees hat with you.

Massachusetts, great moments in douchery.
A person from California is a Californian
A person from Texas is a Texan
A person from New York is a New Yorker
A person from Massachusetts is a......well a Masshole (that's what they call themselves).

ATTLEBORO, Mass.— A 74-year-old blind Attleboro woman was shocked when she got a letter from the city saying a lien would be placed on her home unless she pays an overdue water bill.

The amount? 1 cent.

Eileen Wilbur tells The Sun Chronicle of the letter sent her blood pressure soaring, and pointed out that the stamp to send the letter cost 42 cents.

City Collector Debora Marcoccio says the letter was among 2,000 sent out. She says a computer automatically prints letters for accounts with an overdue balance, and they were not reviewed by staff before being mailed.

The letter warned of a lien and a $48 penalty if the bill is not paid by Dec. 10.

Marcoccio insists the bill be paid.

Wilbur's daughter, Rose Brederson, called the situation "ridiculous."

Pretty douchey. But not surprising....

Astronaut Loses Tool Bag, Screws Up Plans for Spacewalk

HOUSTON (AP) - Flight controllers were revamping plans Wednesday for the remaining spacewalks planned during space shuttle Endeavour's visit to the international space station, after a crucial tool bag floated out to space during a repair trip.

The briefcase-sized tool bag drifted away from astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper on Tuesday as she cleaned and lubed a gummed-up joint on a wing of solar panels on the space station. She and fellow astronaut Stephen Bowen were midway through the first of four spacewalks planned for the mission. The tool bag was one of the largest items ever lost by a spacewalker.

All I can say is, good job Gary.

And finally in non-douchery news.

The Greatest Basketball games ever.

* 100 pts. Dajuan Wagner, Camden High (W 157-67) Camden County Vo-Tech-Gloucester Township, 1/16/2001 (N.J.)

* On a 40′ x 82′ court, the New York streetball legend “Pee Wee” Kirkland destroyed an Independent Fire Company or something like that in a league played in the Lewisburg penitentiary in 1973-74. He averaged 70.9 ppg, including games of 100, 82, 79, 60, 51, 50, 48, and 27.

* Oh, and Pee Wee went for 135 in January of ‘74, knocking down 62 FG’s in the process for a 228-47 win in that same league.

* In 1953, this guy John Barber must have been the truth. He had a 188-point game for Los Angeles State against Chapman College JV (92-153 FG), and a 150-point night against the Newspaper Sports Writers.

* Drazen Petrovic of Cibona Zagreb (Croatia) v. SMELT Olimpija (Slovenia) dropped 112 points in October of 1985.

* Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain famously hit 100 points in an NBA game for the Philadelphia Warriors against the New York Knicks (36-63 FG, 28-32 FT)

* 13-year old Mats Wermelin, the Swedish nightmare, took over the Swedish Regional Boys Tournament at Stockholm, when he scored 272 points. Wow.

* A 46-year old mother, named Anat Draigor posted 75 points in the second half for Hapoel Mate Yehuda en route to 136 for the night.

* This might be my favorite. Bob Harrison of Lagrange middle school destroyed the Arch Street School in 1941 for 139 points. He was a 5′9″ 13-year old 8th-grader.

Crazy stats....makes me wish I had talent and wasn't stuck in a library.

White People Apparently Aren't Funny, Successful

Pauly Shore, whom I've always thought was a major douchebag, recently confirmed his douchebagism. Not only is he an idiot, he is overconfident, a bigot, and now the comedic equivalent of Geraldine Ferraro.



via Allhiphop

In conclusion, get bent Pauly Shore. Have you ever thought that maybe you aren't successful because you aren't funny.